I am a bad person. No really, don’t
try to argue the point. I know I am horrible. Don’t tell this to
anyone, but *whispers* I don’t even rate my transactions on Amazon.
I delete the emails they send with no remorse.
That’s not all. I have more proof of
my bad behavior. And it’s shocking, I know.
It has gotten to the point in my life
where recently I had to make a bet with a coworker in order to be
nice to them.
This is true.
I will do almost anything I am not prone
to do if there is a reward at the end.
Winning the bet depended on my being
nice to a certain coworker who normally gets under my skin and makes
me say things that aren’t polite or character building. (Proof. This
is proof.) So, for an entire week I was not to say or do anything
rude or mean to this individual. If I was able to accomplish this
then I would win a large bag of Doritos. If I were to lose, I would
be forced to do one last nice thing and buy a bag of Doritos for the
person who brings out the worst in me.
Tough deal. But I was motivated by
food, so I would try to do my best.
One thing my coworker didn’t
realize when we made the bet was that if I lost said bet, I would
revert back to my former self. And my former self would never do
something as nice as buying a bag of chips for this individual.
Well, maybe a 2oz bag that was mostly
air. I could force myself to do that. Anyways, it’s their loss. With that in mind, I really didn’t have anything to lose going forward with
the deal.
You know, I found that being fake nice
was even more rewarding than my normal cutting comebacks and snide
remarks! So it wasn’t as hard as I originally thought it would be
to win. And I did win. My competitive nature ensured that. (Plus the
fact that I enjoyed giving compliments almost dripping in sarcasm –
but hidden by a genuine smile in case it might be taken the “wrong”
way and be grounds for me losing the bet.)
So you see, there really is no hope for
me ever being good. I get too much pleasure at the expense of others.
You have seen the proof, and you now
know the awful truth. I am not who you thought I was.
the end.
I am trying
to do better. Sometimes I even attempt to be nice even if no food
comes out of it (sometimes). I call this sincere improvement!
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